and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
