Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
