You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
