I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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