Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
