I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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