Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
