Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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