I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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