I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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