someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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