the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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