I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
