I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
