Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
