Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
