he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
