careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
