Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
