i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize