Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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