i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
