so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
