Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
