you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
