some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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