Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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