we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
