ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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