so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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