I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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