Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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