I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
