Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
