In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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