I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
