I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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