Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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