I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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