The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
