Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
