just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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