How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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