There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and she was petting her beer can
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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