when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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