I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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