So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
