did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That accounts for only three of the penises
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
