im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
