My liver just broke up with me...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize