I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize