I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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