My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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