So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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