so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
