I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
