i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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