The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
