my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
