Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
