Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
