hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
