I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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