worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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