Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
