just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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