Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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