I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
