when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
