I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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