obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
