i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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